


All she ever wanted

by LouMiller



Category: Ocean's (Movies), Ocean's Eight (Movies)
Genre: Cate Blanchett and Sarah Paulson's chemistry is off the charts, Domestic, F/F, Have I mentioned that I love Lou, I'm a sucker for the more unusual couples, Tammy loves Lou, but does Lou love Tammy, just saying, watch their interviews
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-06-06 18:42:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15201035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LouMiller/pseuds/LouMiller
Summary: ..."She feels guilty that Debbie had to go to prison for her to get to know this softer side of Lou but she wouldn't miss it for anything in the world, not even her best friend's freedom."...Where Tammy realizes that she's fallen in love with Lou and everything that happens after.Starts before the heist but will definitely include it as well as some time post-heist.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Ocean's story, so treat it nicely ;-) No ripping the paper and balling it up, I'll need it back unharmed.
> 
> I love the Debbie/Lou constellation but after watching pretty much every interview there is with Cate Blanchett and Sarah Paulson, I decided to go the road less traveled and write for the Lou/Tammy pairing instead.  
> (I might still write a piece for Debbie and Lou in the future though)
> 
> P.S.: So glad I found the names of Tammy's kids on imdb.  
> Now if anyone remembers Nine Ball's real name, please let me know. Her sister (Veronica, right?) called her by her real name at one point in the movie and I'd love to use that later on; maybe not in this fic though, we'll see.

After an hour of maneuvering her car through the early morning traffic jam that is New York City, Tammy finally arrives at her destination, a rundown warehouse at the edge of the city's bustling center.  
She moves the gear into park and hops out of her Mazda CX-5, careful not to slam the door, knowing that Keri will be insufferable for several hours if she accidentally wakes her up now.  
Keri is definitely not a morning person – just like her mother used to be, actually, but Tammy likes to forget that little tidbit of information whenever she rolls her eyes at her little girl for being so grumpy in the mornings.

She opens the rear door for Derek who has already unbuckled himself and gives him a warm smile. He's almost six and so much easier to handle than his younger sister. If she stops to think about it, her son actually behaves more like one would expect a girl to behave than her daughter.  
While Derek can emerge himself in a book for hours and likes to paint, Keri is always on her feet, running through the garden, playing in the mud, or catching bugs.  
Derek does love to kick his ball around the house though, a hobby Tammy is currently trying to have him move outdoors...

“Go see if your Aunt Lou is already up, will you?” Tammy whispers to her son before she walks around the car to retrieve her sleeping four-year-old.  
‘Aunt Lou’.  
Tammy sees the grin form on Derek's face and knows that they're thinking the same thing: Lou hates to be called ‘Aunt Lou’ but in secret – maybe actually not so secretly, as they like to tease Lou with it – Tammy and the kids still refer to her as exactly that.

Carefully, Tammy slides her arms beneath her daughter's small frame and slowly lifts her out of the car, closing the door with her hip and a frighteningly loud thud – but realizes with a relieved sigh that the warm bundle in her arms is still fast asleep.  
Locking the car behind her, Tammy finds that the warehouse door is now open and that her son's excited babbling is coming from inside the building.

“… and did you know that bats can't walk? Their leg bones are too thin!”  
Lou's rich laugh reaches Tammy's ears before she even lays eyes on the tall blonde.  
“I see you've been reading that book I got you, Ricky.”

Tammy rounds the corner and smiles as she sees how Lou ruffles Derek's hair, her son positively beaming at the action whereas she isn't allowed to do it ever since he turned five, especially not in public.  
Mom is uncool. Lou though? Lou is her boy's favorite person.

“Hey,” Tammy softly greets Lou once she's laid Keri down on the couch and covered her with a blanket.  
“Hey,” Lou responds in kind, nodding, a hand still resting on Derek's shoulder. “To what do I owe your surprise visit?”  
“We're going to the zoo!” Derek exclaims loudly, quickly covering his mouth as soon as he remembers that his sister is still asleep, his face scrunching up in worry as everyone's eyes flit to the couch.  
Thankfully though, Keri doesn't wake up, merely buries herself deeper into the soft fabric of the blanket.  
“Phew, crisis averted,” Lou winks at Derek who gives her a toothy smile. “So you're going to the zoo?”  
Derek bobs his head enthusiastically.  
“And you are coming with us,” Tammy adds, raising a brow at Lou that dares her to find an excuse why she can't go.  
There's a moment of silence until finally, Lou nods.  
“So I guess we're all going to the zoo!”

* * *

 “How are you holding up?”  
“Just fine, it's a walk in the park, right? Not the Everest,” Lou flatly answers Tammy's question, giving her a sideways glance as they're walking around the sea lions exhibit, most of the two women's attention staying on the children.  
“You know that's not what I meant...”  
“Isn't it?” Lou asks innocently even though she knows that Tammy can see right through her.  
“It's Debbie's parole hearing today.”  
“Is it? I totally–”  
“Forgot? That's bull and we both know it, Lou.”  
Lou sighs in exasperation and runs a hand through her shaggy hair. “What do you want to hear, Tammy? That I'm nervous about possibly seeing her soon? That I'm a miserable wreck because I don't know how I'll react, or if I can handle it?”

Lou starts to walk faster; running has always been her way of dealing with problems.  
But Tammy won't have it, won't let her.  
She catches Lou's shoulder and turns her around to face her. She needs Lou to believe what she's about to say.  
So she waits until Lou's impossibly bright blue eyes land on her own.  
“You'll be alright, Lou. And do you know why?”

There's a short pause.

“Because you've got us, the kids and I. And because you're Lou Miller; you're the strongest woman I know. Not even Debbie Ocean can take you down.”

Lou rolls her eyes at Tammy but before she turns back around and walks up to Derek and Keri to watch the sea lions play in the water, Tammy could swear she sees a corner of her lips curl upwards.

“Lou!” Keri jumps up and down next to the glass fence, trying to see better. “Look what the little one is doing!”

Just as Tammy joins them, Lou catches her daughter mid-jump and sits her on the handrail of the fence, keeping an arm looped around the tiny waist to make sure she doesn't fall into the enclosure.  
It's such a ‘Lou thing’ to do and Tammy feels her heart swell with love for the other woman.  
She feels special to be able to witness Lou like this, unguarded and gentle and loving, Lou who is usually all snark and sarcasm and toughness.  
She feels guilty that Debbie had to go to prison for her to get to know this softer side of Lou but she wouldn't miss it for anything in the world, not even her best friend's freedom. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should be able to post the next chapter sometime during the next 24 hours.  
> Thank you for reading! Let me know what you think if you have a minute (-:


	2. Unknown Caller

Later that day, after feeding the kids Lou's famous vegetable lasagna – Tammy could probably eat a whole tub full and still not get sick of it – and putting them to bed in Lou's guest bedroom, the two women finally find a moment to themselves.  
Tammy knows she should probably be heading home by now but she doesn't want the day to end.  
She's content just sitting here with Lou, talking, a glass of wine in one hand, and letting her legs dangle from the gallery.

“Harrison is on another business trip?”

Tammy looks up from Lou's bare feet – somehow, she finds herself weirdly mesmerized by the way her toes swing through the air – and nods.  
“Yeah, he's in Chicago until Monday morning.”

“Are things good? You know, between you and him...” Lou asks, obviously picking up on her change of tone.

Tammy can't exactly tell her that she's fallen for her instead, so she tiptoes around the truth.  
“I uh… yeah, yeah, everything's good. We're just busy, you know. Harrison with his firm, me with the kids…”

“I could watch them,” Lou says in response.  
When Tammy doesn't immediately get what she means, Lou elaborates, a smirk on her face.  
“The kids. I could watch them. If you want your hubby to bang your brains out…”

“Lou!” Tammy elbows her friend in the ribs, shaking her head.

“Oh come on, don't act so appalled,” Lou chuckles. “He IS your husband and you've made two beautiful little devils together. So don't try to tell me you haven't banged that dude. I know everything about the birds and the bees.”

“Oh you do, yes?”

“Well, not in practice... But I know the technicalities,” Lou frowns and the disgust is evident on her features. “You know I don't do dick.”

Tammy laughs. “No, no you don't. — How come we're talking about me anyway?” she begins once they've calmed down again. “I'm here because I want to know how you are feeling, Lou.”

“Do you think she got the parole?”

“She's Debbie Ocean. I'm certain she'll be out come Monday.”

“Yeah. Stupid question...”

“Are you... do you..” Tammy takes a deep breath and forces the question past her lips. It is a question she needs to know the answer to but she's afraid of what that answer is going to be. “Do you still love her?”

A heavy silence stretches out between them. Several minutes later – Tammy doesn't really expect Lou to answer anymore – Lou empties her wine glass with a large swig and speaks up.  
“Honestly? I don't know. I really don't.” Lou shakes her head, trying desperately to find the answer herself. “I don't fucking know!”  
Angry – with herself or Debbie or the world – Tammy doesn't know, Lou throws her empty glass from the gallery and it shatters into a hundred pieces on the concrete below them, the shards splattering in Lou's living room like the tears she doesn't cry.  
“I haven't loved anyone but her my whole life,” Lou admits quietly. “What if I can't love anyone else?”

The silent desperation in Lou's voice causes Tammy's heart to crack painfully and her hand instinctively shoots to her chest as though she is expecting to find a gaping hole.  
Because what if Lou can't love anyone but Debbie? 

“Tam, hey are you okay?”

Tammy looks up from her hand and finds Lou's concerned blue eyes hovering over her like a searchlight.  
“No, I… No, I'm fine,” her voice is strong, clear. Lou can't know. Not yet, maybe not ever. 

“We should probably get to bed,” Lou sighs, standing up and helping Tammy to her feet as well. “You're staying, right?”

She really shouldn't. Tammy knows she shouldn't. She should carry her kids to her car and drive back to her home in the suburbs. She should leave Lou and never look back.  
But like all things Lou, Tammy can't think clearly, not with her head at least.  
So she simply nods at the other woman, accepting what she believes to eventually turn into her demise.

 

* * *

 

 

On Monday, shortly after she's picked up the kids from kindergarten and welcomed home her husband, Tammy feels her phone vibrate in her jean pocket, signaling the arrival of a message.  
Putting down the towel and placing it on the countertop – she is in the middle of drying off the kids's lunch plates – she checks her phone and finds that she has a text from Lou.  
It consists of a mere three words but Tammy thinks they're more powerful in this very moment than a whole novel could ever be:

_‘She is out.’_

Her stomach drops and her heart is fluttering wildly in her chest, trying to settle on a single emotion. In the end, happiness manages to win out over dread and Tammy thinks that there should be a little angel patting her on her back for her heroic deed.  
However, the angel is only real in her imagination and the happiness soon morphs into concern and fear, barely holding itself up in the fight of feelings. 

_‘She is out.’_

How does Lou feel about this? Did Debbie contact her? Have they already met?  
The three words aren't very ambiguous but they don't tell her a great many things about Lou's thoughts either.  
Maybe she should call her?  
But no... If Lou wanted to talk, she would've called not sent a text.  
Tammy runs a nervous hand through her hair, locking her eyes on her phone in a staring contest that can only have one winner.  
The ringing of a phone interrupts her staring contest and it takes a moment for her to realize that it is her own.  
She looks at the flashing screen.

Unknown Caller.

Thinking that it might be Lou or one of her contacts, she quickly accepts the call and brings her mobile to her ear.  
“Hello?”  
“Tim-Tam! Good to hear your voice.”  
Tammy almost lets the phone fall to the floor upon recognizing the voice. It's Debbie.  
“Debbie?”  
“The one and only,” the familiar but also somewhat strange voice jokes. “I uh, I have a job for you.”

Barely out of prison and already Debbie is back inside with one leg. If her parole judges knew… Well. Let's just say that it would be a lot harder for women to get out before they've served their whole sentence in the future.

“I'm not in that life anymore,” Tammy responds right away.  
Yes, she's still moving and selling stolen shit and she often feels incredibly guilty because of it – not because of it being unlawful of course but because of her kids – but Debbie has that tone in her voice that tells her that her plan is a true Ocean plan: incredibly risky, stupid, and close to impossible to pull off.  
And Tammy has too much to lose.

“Will you at least meet me? I haven't seen you in almost six years.”

Not because Tammy didn't want to visit her. Debbie forbid all of her friends and family to see her but especially Tammy. The blonde was a blank sheet of paper in regards of a criminal record and Debbie didn't want their acquaintance to leave a smudge on it. 

“I uh…” she nervously bites her tongue. She really wants to see Debbie but also doesn't.  
“I'm in your garage.”  
“What?”  
“Yeah.”  
“How did you- What are you doing in-” Tammy sighs and shakes her head. Of course her garage isn't secure enough to keep out Debbie Ocean. 

 

Ending the call, she pushes the phone back into her jeans and makes sure the kids are busy – Keri is taking a nap and Derek is kicking his ball around the house, again – before she rushes to the garage. 

Debbie's grinning face pops out in between a row of blenders and instead of a greeting, she says: “So you're not in that life anymore, huh? And I guess these are all for your own needs?”

Tammy feels herself blush as Debbie points to the boxes and boxes of blenders, the seven brandnew bicycles mounted on the wall, and the designer suitcases standing to attention like a battalion right in front of them. 

“I have kids, Debbie,” Tammy shakes her head. “I can't risk getting caught.”

“Don't say no before you know what we're stealing,” Debbie smirks, walking around the blenders and sauntering over to where Tammy is.

“Look, my kids are inside and… It doesn't matter, I don't–”  
Debbie is right up in her personal space and leans forward to whisper into her ear.

“We're stealing the Toussaint.”

Debbie doesn't need to tell Tammy what the Toussaint is or what it's worth. She knows her stuff, so of course she knows that it's Cartier's most famous piece of jewelry and that it's worth about 150 million bucks. 

Tammy's eyes widen. But not because of Debbie's crazy idea to steal the Toussaint, but because of the words she follows them up with just before she takes a few steps back and leaves her garage as though it's an entirely ordinary thing for her to do.  
“Lou's already on board. It'll be just like the old times. I'll text you my new number. You have time to decide until Wednesday. I really don't want to look for another fence Tim-Tam. You're the best.”

 

* * *

 

 

Two days later, Tammy finds herself loading two suitcases filled with clothes and everything else she'll need into her trunk.  
Because it's Lou.  
Debbie could've dangled the Mona Lisa in front of her face and she still would've said no.  
But Lou?  
She couldn't say no after learning that Lou was a part of the team, especially not after hearing Debbie say that it would be “just like the old times”.  
Because Debbie, without any bad intentions, instinctively uses Lou and her love for her.

Lou Miller would do everything for Debbie Ocean. They've learned this the hard way once or twice. 

If Debbie says “jump”, Lou will laugh at her first before asking her how high and how far and where fucking to. 

And as hard as this will be to watch, as stupid as it is to risk her freedom for a woman who will probably never see her as anything but a friend, Tammy has to be there.  
She can't leave Lou alone to navigate the treacherous ocean that is Debbie Ocean.  
Hell, Debbie is already running the whole operation out of Lou's warehouse, her home!  
It's reckless and stupid and shows Tammy exactly how much Lou needs her by her side if they all want to come out of this unscathed.

So Tammy hugs both of her kids to her chest until they complain that it's getting hard to breathe and chastely pecks her husband on the lips.  
What she's about to do is unfair to all of them but once Tammy has set her heart on something or rather someone, there's no holding her back.  
Lou is always the one who protects everyone else, leaving herself open in the process.  
This time around, Tammy will be there to watch her back for a change. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Debbie's out of prison and Tammy joined the heist team for Lou's sake but maybe also because she has to know where she stands and to see for herself if Lou still loves Debbie - after all, Lou doesn't seem so sure herself. 
> 
> I soak up your comments like the beautiful rays of sunshine here in Germany - so please, keep me sunbathing if you can sacrifice a precious little moment of your time. ;-)


	3. Time is precious

As soon as Tammy arrives at Lou's warehouse, their headquarters for the next weeks, she is pulled from one conversation into the next.  
Which isn't a bad thing – not at all, really – but while she's glad to get to meet the other four members of their heist team, she wishes she could finally talk to Lou, see how she's doing.  
The tall blonde is uncharacteristically quiet today and Tammy can't stop the wave of concern that rushes through her veins like icy water whenever she chances a glance at her. Lou is busying herself in the kitchen and Tammy could swear that she's seen her open that cabinet door twice now without taking anything out.  

Trying to clear her mind off everything Lou – and knowing that realistically it won't work for more than five minutes – she refocuses her attention on Nine Ball.

The hacker is looking at her rather strangely all of a sudden but Tammy doesn't read anything into it. The other woman is obviously stoned – and Tammy always having been the good kid has never even sniffed on a cigarette – so she deducts that the strange looks and everything are probably part of the marijuana experience.

“I'mma check on our security systems,” Nine Ball then informs her, obviously ending their talk because right after she's stalking off to a quiet corner of the living room with her laptop.

Risking a peek at Lou – and God, does she look gorgeous today – Tammy springs into action to use the free moment to finally have a word with her.  
Who knows when she'll be able to next. 

But of course, before Tammy can even make her second step towards Lou, Debbie swoops in once more and leads her away, claiming that there's something important they need to discuss. 

Tammy thought that they've discussed everything they needed to discuss but that obviously isn't the case.  
Still, a confused frown steals onto her face as she follows Debbie up the stairs and into her room.

Debbie closes the door behind them and pushes a rather expensive looking fur coat to the side, making room for them to sit on the bed.

Tammy knows that it's Debbie's old room.  
It speaks volumes about Lou's love for Debbie that she's kept all of her things even after everything that happened, everything that Debbie did to her.  
Strangely enough, it doesn't make Tammy jealous, only sad. She feels for Lou… to love so deeply and then to be betrayed...  
And still –  she's there for Debbie whenever she needs her.

“I know.”

Only two little words, yet they could mean so much. However, Tammy doesn't need to think about their meaning. She knows exactly what Debbie knows.  
“I… it just happe-”

“You're not happy in your marriage, I can see it in your eyes, Tim-Tam. Why aren't you leaving him? Time's precious – it's the one thing you learn in prison.”

Tammy feels a weight fall off her chest.  
Debbie doesn't know.  
If she knew, Tammy knows this conversation would turn very awkward very quickly.  
How do you explain to your best friend that you've fallen in love with her ex-girlfriend, the one who's only an ex because Debbie couldn't keep her legs shut and got herself behind bars in the process?  
“It's uh, it's not that easy, Deb,” Tammy replies, staring down at her hands. “I have the kids to think of.”

“Oh come on, Tammy... Do you want them to grow up thinking that your marriage is the kind of love they're looking for?”

“It's not that…” And it really isn't. If Lou wanted to be with her, Tammy would be out of there in a heartbeat; screw the risks. “Harrison is the one who owns the house, the one who has the regular income. No judge would ever leave the children with me when there's him as the second option to choose from. I can't exactly tell a court that I do have an income...”

“Others make it work, Tammy, I think if you really wanted to, you–”

“I do want to,” Tammy interrupts Debbie, starting to feel uncomfortable under her scrutiny. “And I will. I'll be a millionaire in a couple weeks, right?”

Debbie grins. “That's what I wanted to hear, Tim-Tam. And yes, you definitely are.” 

A comfortable silence settles over the two old friends but quickly shatters when Debbie utters her next words.

“Lou… Do you know if she's seeing someone?” 

Debbie seems insecure – something no-one would ever associate with Deborah Ocean – and Tammy feels her heart sink for more than one reason.  
She feels bad for Debbie.  
She feels even worse for Lou.  
She feels guilty, like a filthy homewrecker even though that is way over the top, considering that she's never kissed Lou, that she's never even told her about her feelings. 

“I uh..” she gulps and has to force the answer past her lips. “I don't think so...”

Debbie's face lights up.  
“Not everything's lost then... I realized that I made a horrible mistake with Claude.” The brunette snorts, rolling her eyes at her own stupidity. “Had enough time to think on everything, I guess. Five years, hell, six years… that's a long fucking time. Besides coffee, Lou is one of the things I missed the most. I only hope she'll forgive me.”  
Debbie playfully slaps Tammy's shoulder. “You're friends now, right? Didn't see that one coming,” she chuckles. “You two were like fire and ice back then... Doesn't matter, I guess. – The important thing is, you can totally put in a good word for me now, be my wing woman.”

“I uhm..–”

“Not yet though,” Debbie stands up, Tammy following suit in something akin to a trance. “First things first. I'll win her back after the Met Gala.”

“Yeah..”

“I can't risk losing Lou before the job is done. We can't do it without her.” Debbie laughs, winking at Tammy before she makes her way down the stairs and back into the living room. “Guess it's just me, myself and I until then,” she calls over her shoulder but Tammy doesn't register it anymore. 

She walks down the gallery and flees into her room, the one right next to Lou's, and let's herself sink onto her bed.

“Deep breaths, Tammy, deep breaths,” she tells herself, trying to get her mind – or is it her whole world? – from spinning and her heart to settle down.  
Because Debbie wants to get Lou back and Tammy wonders if she even stands a chance now, if she ever has.  
And, even if she does have a chance, now she'll definitely break a heart along the way, a heart that is most precious to her.  
Debbie is still her best friend after all.

There's a soft knock on her door and a moment later it opens and Lou sticks her head around the frame, peeking into the room through her fingers.

“Wasn't sure if you were decent,” she grins, letting her arm drop back to her side but stops in her tracks as soon as she takes in the look on Tammy's face. 

“Are you okay, Tam?” she questions gently, sitting down next to her, so close, Tammy can actually hear her breathing above the wild thumping of her own heart.

“Just..”

Lou moves her hand onto her shoulder and even though a part of Tammy relishes in the contact, she can't deal with this right now, anything really. If Lou's hand and warmth touch her for a second longer, she fears she might burst.  
So as much as it hurts herself, she shifts on the bed and away from Lou, her hand dropping into empty air. 

“Just leave me alone for a moment, please?”

Lou's bright blue eyes look pained and Tammy feels a sting to her heart, knowing that she's the one who put it there.  
And the way she's looking at her, caring for her, it makes Tammy snap. 

“Go away, Lou.”

“Are you sure, Tam, I can-”

“Please!”

“Alright,” Lou tries to smile at Tammy but it turns out as a grimace. She holds up her hands, and backs out of the room. “I'm right next door if you need me.”

As soon as Lou is out of the room, Tammy loses the fight against the tears and breaks down sobbing, burying her face in her pillow.  
Why does love have to be so complicated? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the drama, huh?  
> The next chapter will definitely be less talking/thinking and more action - promise. Also, the rest of the O8 crew will definitely be making their debut, too.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and leaving kudos and especially commenting. You guys truly make my day! It's great to know that people like this story so far and feedback (positive or negative) is always welcome.
> 
> [[On a different note: You can totally prompt me some O8 one-shot ideas if you want to, no matter the pairing. If my muse wants to work with them, I'll totally find some time to write them down.]]


	4. Girls on a mission

Later the same day – it's already past 9 p.m. – Tammy emerges from her room and decides to join the others downstairs in the living room.  
She doesn't feel much for company but ironically she doesn't want to be alone either. In the end, she determines the first one to be the lesser evil.   
So company it is. 

The inhumane screaming coming from Lou's flatscreen tells her that the girls are in the middle of a horror movie and Tammy is almost tempted to return to the safety of her little four walls.  
Almost.

Because while

… Rose is sitting next to Amita on the loveseat, burying her face in a pillow and waiting for the Indian's word that it's okay to look again, 

… and Nine Ball more hangs than sits in the only armchair, seemingly somewhat bored and rolling a joint back and forth between her index and ring finger,

… and Constance is biting her fingernails, sitting crosslegged on the carpet in front of the loveseat, bouncing up and down, unable to keep still,

… and Debbie is sitting on the left side of the couch, eyes glued to the TV and shouting at one of the characters to not leave that “fucking knife” behind,

… Lou is stretched out in her favorite place on the far right side of the couch, giving her a wide smile as she's patting the spot right next to her.

And how could Tammy think about walking away when Lou so obviously wants her to be there? 

Giving Lou a sheepish half-smile from where she's still solidly rooted to the floor next to the stairs, she hesitantly crosses the few steps that separate her from the couch and sinks into the leathers next to Lou.   
“Saved you your spot,” Lou proudly informs her, the whisper of her husky voice raising goosebumps on Tammy's arms.

And it is indeed ‘her spot’. It's the one she's always sitting in whenever she and Lou are watching a movie, drinking wine – or something stronger – or simply talking.  
She'd just thought that it wouldn't be hers anymore, not now that Debbie is back in Lou's life.   
Apparently though, some things don't change and Tammy is incredibly thankful for that. 

“Thank you,” she whispers back and lets Lou guide her to rest against her side, something she can never get enough of.

“Lou, look, I am sor-”  
Lou briefly touches a finger to her lips – almost sending Tammy into a delirium with the simple action – and shakes her head.

“It's okay. I get it.”

And Tammy nods in response, even though she knows that Lou can't get it, not truly at least. Still, she's grateful for Lou's easy forgiveness.  
It doesn't quell her guilt for how she behaved... Lashing out at Lou? It's not something she wants a repeat of and she swears to herself that she will do everything in her power to keep it from ever happening again, especially with Debbie being the main reason.

 

For the better part of an hour, Tammy enjoys being so close to Lou and sharing her warmth.   
She enjoys every scary scene because it gives her an excuse to either hide her face in Lou's neck or bury deeper into her side.  
She enjoys every time Rose screeches in shocked surprise or the characters in the movie do something idiotic like going into the basement – alone – because it makes Lou laugh, one of her favorite sounds ever.   
And she even enjoys the many sideways glances she notices Debbie shoot her and Lou, because, let's face it, at least for tonight, Tammy's little imaginary angel is on vacation, and her little devil feels like the king of hell, earth and heaven combined, being held in Lou's strong arms.

Shortly before the movie is about to end – which is hardly a difficult thing to determine as all but one character are dead by this point – Tammy begins faking to be asleep, hoping that it might just be enough to postpone the inevitable: losing the warm Lou cocoon that is surrounding her.

And it does, just in a way Tammy didn't expect.

As soon as the closing credits roll over the screen – Tammy very briefly risks peering through her eyelids to look – there's a general bustle in the living room.   
She hears Nine Ball get up from the very comfy but slightly squeaking armchair and bid her goodnights to everyone, Amita laugh at something Constance said, followed by the opening and closing of two doors, and Rose state that she's “… not tired yet, I think I'll stay up a little longer and watch a Disney film”.   
That last one almost makes Tammy betray herself as she can hardly keep in the giggle that makes its way up her throat; it's the exact same way she used to deal after watching a horror film as a teenager, watching something incredibly funny or cheesy right after.   
Good on Rose though – there's nothing more reliable to keep nightmares at bay than a good old Disney classic. 

“Did she fall asleep on you, Lou?” Debbie playfully goats Lou and Tammy could swear that there's a flirty undertone in her voice. Still, she doesn't move. “Guess you're not the womanizer anymore that you used to be, huh?”

Tammy is slightly rocked by the low chuckle that bubbles up Lou's throat. It's funny how feeling a laugh is even nicer than hearing one.

“You think so, Ocean? You shouldn't be so cocky, I hear your fashion sense is mostly limited to orange jumpsuits these days...”

It's a somewhat biting comeback, yet Tammy has to stop herself from breaking into a grin. She's proud of Lou for standing up for herself. Round One, 0:1 for Lou.  
Also, she knows that it's good-natured teasing between two old friends (and ex-lovers, she adds with an imaginary glare), nothing more.  
Lou would never go as far as to intentionally hurt Debbie. 

“Here.” 

Tammy feels something soft and balled up land on her and knows that Debbie's thrown over a blanket. 

“Thanks, Debbie.” There's some movement and by the low thud Tammy deducts that Lou's thrown the blanket back at Debbie. “But she won't need it. I'll take her upstairs.”

“Carrying the bride over the threshold, huh? Smooth, Miller, smooth.” Debbie laughs loudly, followed by a shush from Lou, trying to quiet her down. “It doesn't count if the girl's sleeping though.”

Tammy feels herself blush at the picture that appears in her mind and hopes that no-one notices it. Thankfully, the light in the room is dimmed.

“Fuck me, Deb,” Lou retorts – obviously tired of the conversation now – then Tammy feels how she gently extracts herself from where she's stuck half next, half beneath her own body, and eventually carefully wraps her arms around her. Not a second later, Tammy's world begins to move and she is lifted into the air, securely cradled against Lou's chest. 

“Oh I would, but I see you're otherwise employed,” Debbie jokes, a joke that does sound a little or a lot like a proposition...

“I am,” Lou says it with a finality that makes Tammy's heart soar. Her heart would love to read a whole lot of information into Lou's words, but her mind thankfully saves her. It probably doesn't mean much. Only that Lou is temporarily otherwise busy by carrying Tammy.  
But it could also mean that Lou isn't willing to try again with Debbie.   
And it could also mean that her heart is with someone else – Tammy, Tammy, Tammy!

Of course, Tammy stops herself from taking her own thoughts too seriously. That'd only lead to heartbreak.   
Instead, she finally focuses on the situation at hand before she misses the moment. 

Because she's in Lou's arms, she can hear Lou's heartbeat, feel how her chest rises against her with every breath she takes.   
And she knows it's where she wants to spend the rest of her life. In Lou's arms. 

“Good night, Debbie, night Rose.”

“Good night, Lou, make sure you don't trip or let her fall.”  
Rose. She's only known her for a few hours but Tammy already likes the fashion designer. She's extravagant and somewhat oblivious with how innocent she is – Tammy wonders if she even truly knows that she's part of a heist, that they're going to steal something – but that's exactly what makes her so special and likable. 

“Never,” Lou responds and it sounds like a promise. 

Tammy is quite certain that by now even Constance, Amita and Nine Ball must be able to hear the wild drum of her hopelessly romantic heart… yes, even Nine Ball in her pot induced haze.   
But how can she fault her heart? Lou is something else entirely. 

Tammy is amazed by how carefully Lou is carrying her up the stairs – and wow, how strong she is, she never would've guessed – because she hardly even notices they're moving.   
Before she even realizes that they've entered her room, she is gently laid down on her bed and tucked in under her blanket. 

“G'night, Tam,” Lou yawns and Tammy immediately feels her eyelids grow heavier as a reaction, quickly reminded of her own tiredness.   
There's a soft touch of lips against her forehead before Lou leaves the room but Tammy can't focus her mind long enough to dwell on it – she's fast asleep even before the door clicks shut.

* * *

 

The day after, Tammy finds herself cornered in a strange conversation, unsure about how and why she got there.   
She and the new girls – she's taken to calling them that, Amita, Rose, Constance and Nine Ball that is – are having lunch together at a homey little bistro close to Lou's warehouse while Debbie and Lou are off “organizing some things”, whatever that's supposed to mean. Tammy really doesn't want to spend too much time thinking about it.

“So you and Lou, huh?”

Tammy almost spits out her tea when Amita's words register in her brain and all of a sudden, everyone's staring at her, even Nine Ball seems to take an interest, pausing mid-chew.

“Me and Lou?” she sputters, her mind temporarily drawing a blank.

“Oh yes,” Rose chimes in excitedly, a dreamy look on her face. “You two are such a cute couple! If you ever decide to get married, do not think you can hire anyone but me to design your outfits.”

“Ya know, we're all adults here, you don't have to tone it down so much just because we're around,” Constance helpfully adds, popping a fry into her mouth. “Or is it cause you're lesbians? That's totally cool with us.”

Tammy's gaze flits to Nine Ball, hoping for… well, she doesn't know, but if anyone is above the level of insanity the others just reached, it is likely her, given her calm nature and everything… But the hacker only nods. 

“Yeah, what they said,” she motions at the others, returning to her burger as though nothing out of the ordinary just happened. 

“Guys, I uh… I don't know what to say,” Tammy finds herself fishing for words, her brain is having too much trouble comprehending that the others think Lou and her are an item to open the drawers with the verbs, nouns and whatnot. Eventually though – but only after imagining Lou in a white Rose Weil suit, standing next to a beautifully decorated altar, a big knowing smile plastered on her perfect face – she snaps out of it.

“We're not a couple, guys. Lou and I are not together.”

There's confusion on everyone's faces, followed by a moment of silence where Tammy is quite certain she can hear Constance's teeth smashing another fry.

Then, Amita lights up. “Ohhh, I get it!”  
Four pairs of eyes land on the Indian jeweller.  
“You guys are keeping it secret because of Debbie! I get it, they were together for several years, right? Is she still into her?”

“Stop, Amita, stop…” Tammy holds up her hands. “We are not together.”

“Seriously?” Rose asks, mouth agape. 

“You're shitting us, right?” Constance's eyes widen as Tammy shakes her head. “You're really not together?” Another shake of her head. “But you're totally banging, right? Just… casually?”

Tammy laughs. “No, we're not… we're totally not casually banging either.”

“But you're going to fix that, right?” Rose seems disappointed with the development of the conversation; the designer probably sees the bubble with the bridal outfits fly out of reach and right towards a gleaming needle. Tammy would love nothing more than to get them back for both Rose and herself. 

“I…” Tammy breaks off before she can say anything she might come to regret. Sure, it feels easy to talk to these four, and sure, she trusts them – but she still has only known them for one day and she's more than a little uncertain if she should tell them about her feelings for Lou.

However, her heart seems to make the decision for her.  
“I would love nothing more than to fix it,” she admits, releasing a deep breath.

“What's stopping you?” Amita wants to know, leaning forward on the table, her food forgotten for the time being. 

“You're practically having eye-sex already,” Constance rolls her eyes. “The tension is up the roof whenever you guys are in the same room.”

“And she carried you to bed last night!” Rose conspiratorially stage whispers, a secretive smile blossoming on her lips. “You should've seen her, ladies! It was just like in the movies,” she swoons, nudging Tammy's side. “Too bad you were asleep!”

Tammy coughs, feeling a light blush creep into her cheeks. “I uh.. I wasn't, actually. Asleep.”

“You faked it?”

“Sneaky, I like it,” Constance smirks at Tammy. “Didn't think you had it in you. You look so…”

“So what?”

“Goody-two-shoes, girl with the pigtails, the girl next door?” Amita offers, agreeing with Constance and earning nods all around the table. 

“But I'm... I'm a fence. Your fence... I'm stealing stuff with you for God's sake!”

“Yeah, I guess.. but still.”

“Let's not drift away from the topic at hand guys,” Amita steers them back to their actual conversation. “What are we going to do about Tammy and Lou? We're not just watching this tragedy unfold, right?”

“Guys, I really don't think that it's a good idea for you to get involved in–”

“Sure it is, we're all friends now, right? And friends help each other, even if it's just to get laid,” Amita interrupts Tammy before she can finish her sentence. 

“Mission TamLou is a go!” Constance pumps her fist into the air, almost knocking over Nine Ball's coke.

And Nine Ball? Nine Ball leans back in her chair, seeming rather content with everything.

“Game on.”

Tammy then looks from one face to the next and is almost tempted to knock herself out for a couple weeks. Because realistically, this is only going to make things awkward, isn't it?  
Mission TamLou…

She sighs, hopefully, this plan doesn't go downhill real fast. It would just be her luck if this made things worse for her on the Lou front. But for now, Tammy chooses to be optimistic. A girl can dream, right? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A rather long one this time around but I bet you don't mind.  
> Thanks as always for reading this and the lovely reviews the last chapter got just over night - You seriously rock! 
> 
> Let me know what you think of this chapter, parts of it were kind of difficult to get together and I did rewrite some passages twice. Hope it was worth it.


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